I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my shit smells like andre
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
