she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
