called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
