So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
