There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
