so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
