I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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