oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
