4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Pooping to opera.
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