We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
