i think my tv is drunk
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dignity is for republicans.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
