p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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