i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
