My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
