Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
