1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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