i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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