i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
