Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
