I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
