you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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