I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
