OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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