if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
