So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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