Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
