i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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