I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
