and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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