i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He better not be in your backpack
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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