Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
