Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
