did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
