I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
