The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he fucked my hip out of place.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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