sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
