Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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