i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
