What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
