did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
