I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
