i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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