I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
