yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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