You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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