You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
