Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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