She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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