C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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