I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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