Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
