Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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