Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
